“Why Calling a Child ‘Daddy’s Girl’ or ‘Mama’s Boy’ Hurts More Than You Think”

 When my daughter was just two or three months old, I started getting comments like, “No matter how much you do, she will only listen to her father,” or “She will be a daddy’s girl.” Some people even joked, “Just wait, she will fight with you and run to her father.”

For those who casually throw such lines, maybe it’s fun. Maybe it sounds cute to them. But for me, as a mother who was barely sleeping, constantly nursing, mentally drained yet pouring every ounce of energy into caring for my infant — it wasn’t fun. It was hurtful.

Because here’s the truth: as a mom, you don’t sit and calculate whether your baby is going to “belong” to you or your husband. You do everything out of love. You change diapers at 2 a.m., you rock the baby until your arms ache, you hold back your tears when you’re exhausted — all because you want your child to feel safe and loved. And then, out of nowhere, someone decides to casually dismiss all of that with a comment about how “she will only love her father.”

I’m sure many parents have faced this — “mama’s boy” or “daddy’s girl.” Sometimes even relatives go as far as asking a toddler, “Who do you love more — mama or papa?” The child doesn’t even understand the concept of comparison, yet adults are eager to assign labels.

Why is our society obsessed with this? Why do we expect that if it’s a girl, she will bond more with her father, and if it’s a boy, he will bond more with his mother? Even if sometimes it naturally happens, is it really necessary to rub it in the other parent’s face?

New parents are already overwhelmed. They’re navigating sleepless nights, constant feeding schedules, and a rollercoaster of emotions. Instead of encouraging them, we burden them with thoughtless remarks. Do you know how it feels to hear, “Your child will fight with you” or “She will only listen to her father” when you’ve just spent hours trying to calm that very child down?

It feels like society is undermining the mother’s role — as if her care, effort, and love are less significant. And let’s be honest: such comments don’t only hurt mothers. Even fathers get to hear, “Kids only care about mothers, you’re just the provider.” Both parents deserve respect for their bond with their child, not comparisons.

Every child forms a unique bond with each parent. It doesn’t have to be one versus the other. A baby may find comfort in the warmth of the mother’s embrace and joy in the playful energy of the father. Both bonds are real, valid, and important.

Love is not a competition. Affection doesn’t need to be measured or labeled. A child is not born to choose sides; they’re born to feel secure with both parents.

Sometimes, we underestimate the power of words. We think we’re making harmless jokes, but words can leave scars. For new moms and dads, especially those navigating parenthood for the first time, such comments can feel discouraging. Instead of uplifting them, we end up planting seeds of insecurity.

So here’s a thought: if you don’t have something encouraging to say to new parents, maybe it’s better to stay quiet.

To all relatives, friends, and even strangers who adore babies — love them freely, smile at them, enjoy their cuteness. But please, be mindful of your words to their parents. A simple, “You’re doing amazing as parents” can go a long way. It’s far better than, “Oh, she’ll never listen to you.”

Parenting is already hard enough. Let’s not make it harder with careless labels.

“Just like when people randomly kiss or click pictures of babies without consent, even passing such comments is equally insensitive.”